Mastocephaloid by Excess[UK]
PHIT'S NOT "TITHEAD" (SPINDIZZY IMPRESH) - YO__! THIS IS MANTIS OF EXCESS WITH THE VERY 1ST MNT/XS PRODUCT_! MASTOCEPHALOID IS THE NAME, AND IT'S A DEMO_! [^ NOW, I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY IT'S CALLED MASTOCEPHALOID, AND WHAT IT MEANS&&& WELL&&&&& NAH, I DON'T THINK I'LL TELL YA WHAT IT MEANS&&& BUT_! I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT FEATURES&& 17 VERTICAL SCROLLY MESSAGES__&& A MANTISBAND WITH EYES ON__&&& AND&&& A BIT OF A SCROLLY MESSAGE WRITTEN BY A H.M. FAN__! OH, I ALMOST FORGOT: IT ALSO FEATURES NO INTERRUPTS WHATSOEVER_______ OH YEAH, AND IT ALSO FEATURES A COLOURFX RIPPED FROM JEFF MINTER__ SO WHADDYA WAITING 4?_ WALLOP THAT 'BAR__! - WELL!? WHAT'S WRONG NOW?_ PRESS SPACE, YA KNOB_ [^ AH, FUCK YA THEN&&& OH NO_! IMPENDING MESSAGE REPEAT CAPTAIN___ AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH___! ZZAP CRACKLE POW BZZZZRT_! - _L.O. ALL U PEOPLE OUT THERE, THBIS - %MANTIS SPEAKING (SURPRISE SURPRISE)[. - "THIS SCREENFUL IS MY SECOND DEMO WBING - ITS WAY TO MY AWAITING FANZ (I.E. A CANOID OF BAKED BEANS AND A COUPLE OF GIZE WHO KNOW ME), AND FOLLOWS HARD ON THE HEELS OF THE T.N.T. DEBUT DEMO (WHICH WAS PRETTY SAD, BUT NOT BAD FOR MY FIRST F4T)[. - "T.N.T., BY THE WAY, REFERS TO A GR - P I'M IN AT THIS MOME IN TYME CALLED THUNDERTRONIX, SO THERE YA GO! FOR OUR ADDRESSES, YA MITE AAS WELL TEK A LUKE AT $6 - :] HEY LISTEN, DO YA NOT THINK THAT THIS NAME SCENE IS A BIT CROWDED?? I MYSELF HAD TO CHANGE MON NOM FROM SPHINX TO MANTIS WHEN I READ IN ZZAP!'S CNET PAGE (R. I. P., ZZAP]! WHEN ALL THE REVIEWERS EJECT AT ONCE, A MAG IS DEAD) THAT SOME GIZE HAD GOT THERE 1ST] AH WELL, THEY WRITE GREAT STUF, SO I DON'T MIND]! THBIS - &MY 2ND DEMO, FEATURING ENTIRELY REORIENTED Y-RASTER REGISTERS, HI-RESOLUTION MULTICOLOUR MODES, INFINITE RASTERTIME, A MEGAPLEXOR HANDLING OVER 255 SPRITES (I.E. 256), AND A SO-CALLED "UNRIPPABLE# SOUNDTRACK[. AAGH] OH NO! (SHIT NAMEDROP, THAT) WHAT'S GOING ON]! I'M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE GR - TY NOW]! CALM DOWN. STAY KOOL. (OOER! BIT OF A GIGGLYWURXISM, THAT) (NOT THAT THERE'S N.E.THING WRONG WITH THAT - HIYA GIZE, RICOCHET WUZ EXCELLOID)[. - O.K., I THINK I CAN MENSH SOME OF THE MEGA-FINGS THAT THIS DEM HAS[. - WELL, FOR ONE T'ING, IT HAS A SOUNDTRACK FROM THAT DEFINITIVE SHOOT-'EM-UP, MARMALYTE]. MEMOMO TO MARTIN WALKER[. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE]! NO MORE EXPLOSIONS AS MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS]] OTHERWISE, THO', YOU'RE UTTERLY BER-ILLIANT - *!) UN4TUNATELY, THE 'PLEXOR ON ARMALYTE WASN'T AS GOOD AS ITS HYPE[[. BY THE WAY, THE MUSIX CAN ALSO BE TWIDDLED ABOUT WIT' AVEC LA STICK DE JOIE, INVOLVING THESE CONTROLS: LEFT ET RIGHT ARE SLOW DOWN + SPEED UP LE MUSIQUE, RESPECTIVELY, DOWN RESTARTS THE TOONLET, 'N' UP SORT OF PAWZES THE MESSAGE - BUT WAIT]! THERE'S MORE]! THIS DEM CAN ALSO BOAST NO LESS THAN 17 SCROLLY MESSAGES]! BEAT THAT, THEN]! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SO THERE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT STILL - WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MA-A-AKE, OH-O-O-O-HO, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, THE DEVIL WILL FIND WORK FOR IDLE HANDS TO DO, ETC. (FANX TO MOZ FOR THAT BIT)[. ANOTHER T'ING DRIEDGRAPELY (I.E. CURRANTLY) VISIBLE IS THAT BRILLOID MANTISBAND, AVEC 7 OCULAR ORIFICES ON, AND 2 RASTEROIDS. BY THE WAY, THESE RASTEROIDS HAVE A BIT MORE PERSONALITY THAN THE BLOODY GHOSTS IN PACMANIA OR THE PIGS IN THAT BRILLIANT GAME, PSYCHO "WELL I KNOW WHICH ONE I'D RATHER PLAY WITH, FNARR FNARR NUDGE NUDGE WINK WINK SAY NO MORE VIZ-ESQUE DOUBLE ENTENDRES ABOUND# PIGS UXB (NEVER MIND THE SERIOUSLY MISOGYNISTIC SEXIST ADVERTISING, THE GAME IS BRILLIANT WHEN PLAYED TWO-PLAYER! I'M SERIOUS!). BUT N.E.WAY, THESE RASTEROIDS HAVE TWO PERSONALITIES[. ONE'S THE SLOW ONE, WHO GOES AT A SORT OF NORMAL SPEED AND LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, AND THE OTHER ONE'S THE PABIN - THE ANAL ORIFICE WHO IS ALL STRAIGHT LINES AND ULTRA-TIDY AND VROOMS ABOUT LIKE THE THATCHOID WHEN SHE HAS TO REARRANGE HER PHILOSOPHY FROM "I'M A BASTARD# TO "I'VE ALWAYS HAD A DEEP RESPECT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT#[. OOER] BIT OF POLITIX THERE, AND RIGHTFULLY SO! BY THE WAY, THATCHOID SHOULD BE MERCILESSLY BLUDGEONED TO DEATH WITH A WET SPONGE (FANX TO MIKHAIL O'LEARY 4 THAT FRAZELET)[. JESUS CHRIST, GAMES ARE UTTER BOLLOCKS THESE DAZE, EVEN IN THE ARCADES]! I MEAN, COUNTLESS REHASHES OF OLD IDEAS! BORING] E.G. PACMANIA: WHAT IS IT BUT A 3-D VERSH OF PACMAN WITH CHANGING MAZES AND A FEW CRAP NEW FEATURES- IT EVEN MANAGES TO SHOOT ITSELF DANS LA PIED, WITH DEAD-ENDS AND OTHER GOOD STRATEGIC FEATURES TOTALLY RENDERED USELESS BY THE FACT THAT YOUR PACOID CAN JUMP OVER GHOSTS]! THE GHOSTS DON'T HAVE ANY ABILITY TO FOLLOW YOU, THEY JUST FOLLOW SET PATHS! TORK ABAHT CRAP[. - PHEWPHEWPHEW! I T'INK A NICE, PLEASANT, MY-LITTLE-PONY-TYPE PINKISH-TINGED-PLASTIC INTERLUDE SHOULD DO THE TRICK NICELY TO BREAK UP MY RAVINGS[. - *ALL RIGHT ALL YOU MOSHING MOTHERFUCKERS THBIS - 1THE MOTORHEADBANGING BROTHER OF DEATH TALKING. THBIS - MY FAB NEW SCROLLY MESSAGE AND WE NEED THANKS AND PRAISE FOR ALL THOSE SONS OF BITCHES OUT THERE WHO DON'T DIG RICK "CHICKEN SHIT# ASTLEY, ETC, ETC. OKAY, GET WITH YOUR KEYBOARD COMPUTERISED "RINKY DINKY# TOYS AND GLUE YOURSELF TO THIS DEMO WHICH OUR INDIE MATE HAS STRUGGLED TO PUT TOGTHER THROUGH PIDDLING AROUND ON "HIS# RINKY DINKY TOY. SO I'M PIDDLING AROUND NOW ON THIS "THING#, AND MAKING A ROYAL COCK-UP BUT THEN WHO GIVES A FUCK 'COS I SHOULD BE PISSED. - "METAL UP YOUR ASS#, "WE SCARE 'EM SHITLESS#, "AN' I'LL TELL YOU SOMETIN' ELSE#. I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS DEMO YET, I'M IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE[. - .HERE COMES MY TWISTED PORNOGRAPHIC PARAGRAPH[. - OUT CAME THE KNIFE, HER FANNY LIPS CARESSED THE BLADE, SHE GROANED, TWISTED, HER NIPPLES, HARD, ERECT. THE KNIFE ENTERED HER VULVA, SLOWLY, THE JUICES SLIPPED FROM HER GASH, SOOTHING THE STEEL AS IT THRUST IN, OUT, IN, OUT. SHE SCREAMED, SHRIEKED IN ECSTASY, HER BODY BUCKING UNDER HER LUST, THEN, THE KNIFE CUT UPWARDS, TEARING HER APART. THE FORNICATION WAS COMPLETE, THE DEVIL'S SEED INSIDE. GOODNIGHT] - OUCH]! RED PENTAGRAM STUF OR WOT]! IN CASE U GIZE OUT THERE HAVEN'T GUESSED, THAT WAS A DONATION FROM A FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS SLIGHTLY INTO THE SENSIBLE SCENE, AVEC PLEASANT SHAUN HUTSON-TYPE GORE BIT. - PHEW]! WELL, AK-SHUALLY, I DUNNO IF LES GARCONS AVEC LES SENSES ARE INTO THE MOTORHEAD SIDE OF HM OR THE ANTHRAX END - . THIS GUY IS BIG INTO MOTORHEAD, SAXON, ETC., BUT ALSO DIGZ METALLICA AND SOME OTHER THRASH]! INCIDENTALLY, METALG - EETZ TO KREATOR, AND, OF COURSE, THE SENSIBLE YOUNG CHAPPIES[. I PREFER THE PIXIES, MYSELF - OH WELL, DAT'S DAT, X.EPT 4 THE RATHER LARGE VOICEMETERS IN THE BORDERS]! BRILLOID OR WOT- AND NOT ONLY THAT - THERE'S ALSO THE 3 FX DISPLAYZE, SHOWING THE WAVEFORM, ET RING AND SYNCHRONISATION INDICATORS[. GROOVOID, EH]! - &FINALLY, D.O.P. (DAT'S ORL, PHOQUES)[. - HOH WAIT]! I NEARLEE 4GOT] THERE'S ALWAYS MY REPEL MODE (THE INVERSE OF AN ARCADE GAME'S ATTRACT MODE), WHICH NEEDS A CERTAIN KEY KOMBO TO BE ACTIVATED. SO WOT'S THE COMBINATION, U ASK (UNLESS YOU'RE JUST SO BORED YOU'VE 4GOT10 2 SWITCH L'ORDINATEUR ORF)[. WELL, ASB AN - SWER, I'LL JUST LEAVE YA WITH A QUOTATION FROM A REALLY REALLY REALLY ULTRA-BRILLIANT COMIC WHICH IS KNOWN AS "LOVE AND ROCKETS# (PAGE 55, 2 B X.ACT)[. "THAT DID IT[. FUCK OFF AND DIE, ASSHOLES]# - _L.O. ALL U PEOPLE OUT THERE, THBIS - EMANTIS SPEAKING (SURPRISE SURPRISE)[[. HA-HAAH] FOOLED YA, DIDN'T I]] WELL, SINCE YOU'VE EITHER COMMITTED SUICIDE, FALLEN ASLEEP, OR (REALLY UNLIKELY, THIS) ACTUALLY WANTED TO READ THE MESSAGE AGAIN, HERE'S MY TEN MUSICAL TURNONS ATTHE MO'[. (I.E. 21 MAY '89) - [<. (NOTE: NOT IN ANY ORDER]!) - "GIRLFRIEND (THE SENSELESS THINGS): - 3LULLABY (THE CURE): - _MERCY SEAT (ULTRA VIVID SCENE): - 5DEBASER (THE PIXIES): - 5TAME (THE PIXIES): (U - *[. I CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE UP-2-DATE 1S,B SO3ME OLD-ISH FAVES].) - $BLUE BELL KNOLL (THE COCTEAU TWINS): - &CAROLYN'S FINGERS (THE COCTEAU TWINS): - 10.15 SATURDAY NIGHT (THE CURE): - &DESTROY THE HEART (THE HOUSE OF LOVE): - %SWEET AND TENDER HOOLIGAN (MORRISEY): - "AND, LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST[[. - 5DEUS (THE SUGARCUBES) - AND A BIG PHUQ OFF TO THE STONE ROSES 4 BEING SUCH CAPITALIST WANKERS. - % <THAT'S IT]]! SEE YA 'ROUND]] - ?GGHHIIJJKLMMNOPQRSTUWXZ[]_ "$')+.147:> - CTCTC CTC CTC^C - C[C[C'C[C"C C^C] -